everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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