ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Randomize
