someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
