I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
