An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
