I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
