it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
