Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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