we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
