shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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