he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
