Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
