just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
