I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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