dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
