just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
