If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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