Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
