If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
