Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
