I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
