If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
