there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
zippers are such a cool invention
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
