you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
