The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
