Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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