so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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