saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize