The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
