is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize