So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
