I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
