Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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