How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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