My sheets look like a crime scene.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
