just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
