My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
