She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
