i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
