Do you still have your period?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
