There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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