sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
