So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
