i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
