I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
