youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
