i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
