You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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