in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dick very happy bro
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
