i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
