do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
