you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
