Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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