after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize