Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
