She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Randomize
