I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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