At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
