I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
