I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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