Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
