things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
