Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
