Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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