You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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