after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
