is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wish there were birth control emojis
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
