i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We are two peas in an std pod
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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