He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
