Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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