I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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