your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
