Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize