We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
