Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
