hell yes lets make some ravioli
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize