DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
