God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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