***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
