I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
