Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
