I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
