So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
