people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
