Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
