I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
