the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
