I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
No...this little piggys going to the bar
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
