I didn't shave. On purpose
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
