ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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